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I Chose to Move On

January 31, 2021

I Chose to Move On

As a young girl, you never think about growing up and being abused sexually, physically or emotionally. I have dealt with these very things all through my life. As a young girl I was sexually abused by my uncle. It went on for a few years, but I never told anyone about this happening. As I got older, he just quit doing it. I guess he figured I was old enough to say something about it to my parents. That’s my thought anyway. I never confronted him about it, I never wanted to bring the subject to his or anyone’s attention. I was always afraid I would be blamed for allowing it to happen.

Some years later, it came out that he was doing the same thing to his granddaughters and even his own children. When I was asked about this from my parents, I still kept quiet, I didn’t want to upset my parents in any way. They might have felt at fault for not knowing this was happening. Still to this day, they do not know what really happened. Awful to say, but I was glad when he passed away. I even went to the funeral to make sure he was dead.

As I got older, I didn’t deal with any sexual abuse again, but I did have several experiences with domestic abuse. When I was 18, I married young, thought I knew everything of course, didn’t listen to my parents about continuing my education in college. I was very naïve, didn’t really know much about what life is about and what it entails to take care of yourself, and take care of a husband. I had a lot of friends, was very outgoing, I was strong minded but didn’t put into good use. I always had troubled issues in my relationships. It is possible that it stemmed from previous sexual abuse. I ended up with a divorce after three years of marriage and one beautiful baby girl. Although I didn’t experience any physical abuse in that marriage there were some mental abuse that went on during the time we were married. Because I had so many friends that were male I was called ugly names because he thought that I was sleeping with all these guys. I have found out in my life that there are some people that believe a female and a male can’t be friends without having sex, and this is simply not true. I had many friends that were males and never had any sex with them. But some just can’t grasp the concept.

You have to make a choice in life to stay and deal with that shit or move on. I chose to move on.

After my divorce, I got reacquainted with a high school friend, and we started a relationship, he had a child from a previous relationship, and because we ran around the same crowd, I knew the girl. I always had to compete with her. Even though I knew I was strong and independent, I still felt below her. Of course it didn’t help that he would go to her every time she called, we had many heated discussions over it. That’s when I got hit by a man for the first time. Of course I stood up for myself, fighting back, he looked worse than I did. We both had bad tempers, and I wasn’t going to allow some man take over me. No Way! I loved this person so much that I stayed in the relationship for a while. The abuse didn’t continue but he eventually chose to go back with the mother of his child and I chose to move away. That’s was the best decision for me and my daughter at the time. Simply because, I didn’t have any work skills or a degree. I needed help, so we moved to San Antonio with my parents.

Years went by, I didn’t have any bad experiences after that. It wasn’t until 2009, I saw an old boyfriend of mine from my teenage years. We started to talk on the phone, getting reacquainted with each other, met up a few times and decided to pursue a relationship. We hadn’t spoken to or seen each other for 10 years. This guy and I were great friends when we were younger, never had any issues in our relationship, when we broke up, we stayed great friends. That friendship was rekindled when we met up again. He told me about his life over the last 10 years and I shared mine as well. Because of that old friendship, we fell in love again. I picked up and moved to Houston to be with him. We ended up getting married a few short months later. Little did I know the rage this person had from his previous experiences in life.

I knew he was troubled as a teenager, but those 10 years that we didn’t speak had really taken a toll on him. He was a convicted felon, but told me the story of what happened and I had no reason not to believe his story. I helped him deal with his issues. He had 2 kids that he was trying to get custody of and I helped any way I could. That’s a whole other story for another day. He also was a recovering drug addict. When we were just in the beginning stage of our marriage, he received full custody of his kids, the mom was a drug addict herself. He would sometimes leave for work in the morning and never come back for days.

I immediately assumed he was off the wagon, when I confronted him about this the first time, is when the abuse began. We would get into heated discussions because he was gone and leaving his children along with my own to care for. We would get into fist fights because he would push me, hit me, choke me and I wouldn’t back down, ever. I always thought that he wasn’t really mad at me, he was mad at the mother of his kids and how his life had been during those 10 years. He had spent about 2 years in jail so I was sure that took a toll on his mind. I am not in any way condoning what he did, I’m simply expressing my thoughts on why he turned out to be an abuser.

I know from stories that his family told me, that he had a very troubled relationship with this woman. I always just wanted to help him with his issues, I loved this man, I wanted him to succeed in life. I helped so much, that when the court decided to give the mom supervised visitations, I volunteered to do the supervising, I allowed her to come to our home many times, even eat at our dinner table with her children. Of course, in the end, my gestures didn’t amount to anything. The last altercation him and I had, he put a deer rifle to my face. That was the last draw for me. I called the cops and they escorted him from the house. He was gone for few days and I had made the decision to leave after that incident.

A month went by, I had to get my affairs in order to make this change. It was a very hard decision for me, I was going to have to leave his children behind after taking care of them for few years. Having me in their life gave them the stability they needed. I had always pondered on what would happen to them if I ever left, but this time it was about me and my own children. We could not continue to live in this environment. My own children suffered some also, hearing the fights and yelling. It’s one of the things I so regret in my life. That I allowed this kind of behavior to go on in my house and in front of the children. It didn’t help at all in the development of my children’s mind. During this rough marriage, I suspected that some things were going on with him and the ex. Had prayed every single day to God to please show the truth of everything he was involved in. I knew my gut feeling was right but didn’t have the proof.  Little did I know what had been going on.

One day in September 2012, a month after the rifle incident, I received a call from the principle at my daughter’s school. They notified me that my daughter had expressed to a friend that she was being sexually abused by her step father, my husband. It was a whirlwind of events after that. Of course I confronted him about it, he denied it. I was so angry, hurt and upset over these accusations. He ended up getting arrested over this. I had to take over his kids for a while, still having to take them to see their father in jail. His family nor I posted bail so he wasn’t released. When all this happened It came to light all the infidelity that had been going on between him and the ex. My feelings were right. God showed them to me just like I had prayed for.

All of these life lessons have encouraged me to be a stronger woman, to not take shit from anyone in this life. Always, always rely on your gut instinct. Because of this abuse I am an avid gun carrier so that I can protect myself in any situation that may arise. I am very independent, want to learn more on self-defense tactics and strengthen my knowledge in weaponry.

I hope these stories help someone in their journey through this life. Sometimes life gives us challenges and us woman have to know how to handle each challenge with strength and perseverance. Always trust your instincts, always talk to God about anything, He will show you the truth. Do not let anyone, even a man, rule over your life. It’s your life, you live it as you see fit for yourself. Always learn from your experiences, this way, if the problem arises again, you are more knowledgeable and prepared to deal with any complications you come across.

 -Laura Anne, Texas

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